The first Chemo free day of day one of the rest of my chemo free life… hopefully!
Waking in grateful and hopeful mood I watched the dark clouds scudding across the sky; great, grey threatening monsters promising rain, driven by a moaning wind. Huh, I thought, it seems I should have more optimistic weather than that! After all I have been healed of a horrible dark cloud that invaded my brain, that the experts all say will be back to re-inhabit that nice clean vacant triangle of brain that Nigel left behind. Honestly, I thought, if Bob has really been not just swept away on the wind to creep back in at a later date, but destroyed never to be seen again, then surely, if God can do that, surely, surely he could have mustered up a bit of celebratory blue sky.
God and I are a bit like this. I we have little conversations in my head. I am never as grateful as I should be, and am always having a little moan. He is of course always totally reasonable, (annoyingly so at times).
“It’s winter,” he replied, “the state of the sky has nothing to do with whether you are celebrating successful treatment for a brain tumour or not.”
” Yes but you know very well the weather affects our mood. Just a little bit of blue sky would make all the difference.”
God sighed. “True, you do have an irrational connection to the weather.”
“Go on, give me a nice day.”
“So you want me to alter the weather for you.”
“You want me to dissolve these clouds that are laden with rain, that I am currently transporting out of harms way, via your village, not even letting them even rain on you, just because you want your mood to be improved a little?”
“Ok, ok, I guess what you are saying is it could be worse.”
“It could indeed.”
“But, well, it just seems that, since you healed my brain tumour, a cloud, well, just, couldn’t you just, I don’t know, make a little space in it?”
“As a sign you mean?”
“Yes, well no, no, not as a test! God forbid!”
“Yes, but I know you could so…”
“I should hope so! But why should I? ”
“Well, no reason I suppose, I know there’s no reason you should do something as pointless as organise the weather around me, when you have so many other things to do and, lets face it, we’ve not even had the scan that says Bob is still banished.”
God is silent now.
“Infact, maybe this stormy weather is a sign that there are still storms ahead.” This negative thought was not meant to be aimed at God, but the trouble is you can’t talk behind his back.
But instead of arguing, God just repeated his previous question: “Why should I?”
I thought for a while. Why should God make the weather improve for anyone. We are always praying to God for nice weather. God did tamper with weather quite frequently in the bible, I thought of Noah and the rains, and how they ridiculed him for building an ark under a cloudless sky, and other instances but not ever as far as I know because someone asked him for a celebratory nice day! Oh, well, that’s that then.
But God repeated gently: “Why should I'”
“No reason, ” I replied sheepishly… Pause for thought….”Just as there is no reason you would heal me.”
“But you did. Why?” I ventured.
“Why in deed.”
I glanced up through the skylight into the miserable sky which had darkened even more, and shuddered. Then, gradually, as I watched, there appeared, peeping through layer upon layer of the thick black rain-cloud, was a narrow corridor of beautiful, bright blue sky. It lasted a few minutes, just long enough for that part of the sky to scuttle out of the frame of my window, but it was enough.
I kid you not!